I've been married for over 8 months now, and I still haven't changed my last name! Part of the reason is because I'm lazy, but only a little bit.
I just don't want to let go of BOWEN! I don't want to cast off the name of my father's fathers. I feel honored to be connected to the Bowen family. (It's not that I DON'T want to be connected to the Hustedt family, they're a great family.) And I know that I'm not important or famous in the world, but before I got married I was just starting to establish myself in the music world as Michele Bowen.
Anyway, I almost kind of feel like if I become Michele Hustedt my identity will be subsumed into my husband's (but of course if it has to be someone I want it to be him!).
So, what am I going to do? John and I talk about it sometimes, but we usually just end up laughing about it because it's such a silly thing to get worked up about.
Here are the options we've come up with so far:
1. I could be Michele Bowen-Hustedt. We've also thought about changing BOTH of our last names to Bowen-Hustedt, to be fair. But what if we have a daughter who someday gets married and is in this same situation? Would she be Molly Bowen-Hustedt-Smith? Or even worse, what if we have a son who wants to marry a girl who also has a hyphenated name but doesn't want to give it up? Would she be Susie Richards-Gould-Bowen-Hustedt?!?
2. I have been trying out Michele Bowen Hustedt for a few months. As in, Ms. Bowen Hustedt or Sister Bowen Hustedt. That way if someone writes a check to Michele Bowen or Michele Hustedt I can still deposit them in my bank account. And I'll still be able to use my credit card. But it hasn't been working that well. I still get called Sister Hustedt at church, no matter how many times I tell people that my last name is Bowen Hustedt. (And I'm not assertive enough to correct them.)
3. John and I have also thought about just having me stick with Michele Bowen. Outside of the rural conservative areas in our country, this is becoming more common. We also think (again, just to be fair) that if we both have different last names, then it would be fun to give each of our kids their own individual last names. (We've had so much fun coming up with some interesting ones!)
4. And of course, we haven't ruled out the option of coming up with a new last name altogether. I would have to give up the name of my fathers, but at least he would too. We could combine our names into something like Boustedt, or Hustowen. Or something entirely new, like Gifford. Michele and John Gifford.
So what should I do? Any suggestions?
6 comments:
go with Snazzlepants. I heard about the combining one....but Pilch and Hoopes? not so much. my friend kept her own name for a few years but got tired of explaining to everyone (once kids were in the picture) that her husband was actually the father. church people (if you're planning on living anywhere around here) don't get it. not that that's a reason to do it or not do it. good luck. who knows?
Hahaha! It's a difficult situation, isn't it? I LOVE my last name! I will give it up, though. Well, actually, I'll use it as my middle name. So I would be Sara Snow Whatever. You could do that . . . Would you mind dropping your middle name?
I'm old fashioned Michele; I would go by Michele Bowen Hustedt. It will be much easier for you, John and the children to all have the same last name: less explaining and to not confuse the family history down the road. The music world will catch onto your last name.
Do what you think is right :).
I think you should be Michele Bowen-Bowen like you always used to say you would be if you married someone with the same last name. :) Just kidding. I definitely feel your pain-- it was hard for me to give up my last name when I got married. I like it now, but it took me a while to get used to it!
When I got married to #1 I had the same issue. Didn't want to give up ANYTHING, not my middle name, either. So I had four names on everything... my full maiden name (first, middle, last) and then my married name.
This time around I just caved and got rid of Blackham. Though I think about it sometimes, I don't regret it as much as I always thought I would.
Do waht you want! I fully support you keeping Bowen. Or being Bowen-Hustedt. Taking names is kind of an intersting issue, spiritually, anyway... did you know that, on the records of the church (at least when it comes to ordinances) your name will always be your maiden name, anyway? It really is for SOCIETY that we change our names when we marry.
In Ethiopia, the tradition is for the children to take on the first name of the father as their last name. So my kids, in Ethiopia, had the last name of Girma--their father's first name. It means, "grace". I've thought about keeping that as part of their middle names when we go through the US half of the adoption process, but in the end decided we're just going to do first (the one they've always had, their eithiopian names) a new middle name (an american name they can use if they ever get tired of having an exotic name) and our last name.
Sometimes you can't have everything :/
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