I am now three weeks into my 27th year. I can't say that my birthday was the funnest day of the year for me--in fact, this was the first of my birthdays I was not looking forward to. I kind of felt more like going to a funeral rather then celebrating! But (thankfully) I have a lot of friends here and they all made it worth it.

This year I decided to start a tradition of celebrating the day before my birthday. I wanted to celebrate a year full of learning and experience and give it a good "going away" party before it was gone forever. Maybe it's because I'm sentimental. Maybe it's because I don't like thinking about the future.

So on May 31 I spent my last day with 25. We laughed, played, ate, relaxed and had a great time together. The highlights include: Waffles, Ultimate Frisbee, lunch at the Atlas, ice cream at the mall, an amazing performance of Handel's "Israel in Egypt" (featuring Jeremy Starr and myself), and National Treasure II on a big cool projector screen. It was a fun day.

The next day I woke up with two questions in my mind: "How is it possible that I am already 26 years old and I don't have any children?" followed by, "how is it possible that I am only 26 years old and nearly finished with my doctorate degree?"

I was never one of those girls who had long-term education and career plans for myself. When I was a freshman at BYU I remember saying very matter-of-factly, "I'm not getting married until I'm 26!" But deep down I knew that what I really wanted was to get married and have a family. My education and career were second to that wish, and I was ready to give both away if I had to chose between them and a family. Well, where did that thinking land me? Eight years later, single, three degrees, and a teaching job at a university.

So what happened? Did I miss the marriage boat while I was locked up in the practice room? Did I spend too much time studying and not enough time flirting? My parents might think so. But I've been doing my fair share of socializing over the past eight or so years. Off hand I can count at least a dozen and a half guys who I've dated. Anyone who's been a roommate of mine knows that although I may not be completely boy crazy, I don't sit around and let the other girls get all the attention. So is there something wrong with the guys? Is there something wrong with me? Neither, I hope.

I have completely no idea why my life has turned out the way it has. But I am pretty sure about a few things I've learned along the way.

Friendship: I've made lots and lots of friends over the last eight years and a few really close ones. I've learned from all of them, grown from serving them, and grown from being served by them.

Education: When I graduated from BYU I realized that I didn't really know anything. When I started making my way through grad school I was mad at myself for not remembering all the things I had learned up to that point. I still regret it, but I have since realized that there are a lot of things I do remember from my college years. I remember my friends--experiences I had with them, how they inspired me to change, and helped me laugh a lot and be happy. I remember my teachers, the ones I disliked and the ones I adored. I learned from them not just the facts and how to think critically, but how to live and teach (and how not to live or teach) and explore and always look for new things to learn. I learned how to be passionate and dedicated to a subject that interests me. In the last few years I have learned that I can stretch myself farther than I ever thought possible. I can study for 10 hours with out a break or practice for 8 hours a day. I can get by on 5 (or less) hours of sleep a night if I have to. I can write papers and do presentations and give recitals.

Church: I'm not going to say much about this but I will say I've learned that being a member of my church and believing in the gospel it teaches has been the main source of intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and social growth in my life. In Iowa City I have a fun, loving, and supportive family away from home thanks to the the church. And that has made all the difference in my life during the past eight years.

Family: I've learned that my family is probably the most important thing to me. Not because I am told that it should be, but because I feel a strong natural inclination toward it. They support me in everything I do--yes I know, that's a normal role for families to play--but what really blows my mind is that no matter what I do they still love me! And no matter what they do I still love them. I haven't done any really foolish or hurtful things but I have done some pretty crazy things, and my family trusts me to know what I'm doing and they always go along with it.

So--would I have had all these great experiences if I had gotten married at the "normal" younger age? Maybe, but probably not. Of course I am not saying that had I been married I would not have had good experiences. But all the same I would not give them away for anything. I've learned some very important things about myself and had some intense growing experiences that I am convinced had to be done on my own.

And now for a confession. I have a secret fascination with blogs. I am not as interested in writing my own blog as I am in reading all of yours and anyone else's who I barely know. If you are secretly reading my blog and thinking that I will never know, that's ok because I am probably doing the same with yours. Just recently I realized that this was sort of becoming and addiction for me so I went through my Google Reader and unsubscribed to all but a few belonging to my close friends and family.

But that is beside the point. As I'm thinking about how to bring this long-winded post to an end, I realize that my reason in writing it was probably in response to a theme I commonly read among my friends' blogs. Over and over again I see pictures and read about how cute your kids are and all the fun things you do together as a family, and how you are "so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and children". It can be pretty annoying sometimes but to be perfectly honest I am a little jealous. But only a little. The rebel inside of me wanted this post to show off all of the cool things I've done and what a cool person I've become on my own, with out a husband! But I really know that I'm not any better or worse than anyone else, and I am going to make the best of my life whether it holds more years of being single or the arrival of many children.

I have no idea if I've done any real good in the world or if I've influenced anyone's life for the better. But I do know that a lot of good has been done in my life and a lot of people have influenced me for the better. For whatever reason my life has unexpectedly turned out the way it has, I am pretty sure that it was meant to be this way and I am happy.

And now for some birthday pics:

I found this link from another blog I subscribe to. Interesting....

so how rich are you? it says I am in the top 13.31% of the richest people in the world.

I finished comps!

so ben & laura came and celebrated with me.

for some reason larzipan left the above out of her facebook album... why? it's my favorite!

1,017 miles on my car
thai food
comic books
ben "folds" norman
e-andrew
church
hamburgers
belch-scream
hairy jell-o
the park
best tofu/veggie stir fry ever
circle of truth
waffles
more driving
chicago
piiiiiiizza
iron & wine
even more driving
cheese and chocolate
old times
brawndo
no sleep
lots of laughs
lets do it again.

Guess what everyone!!!

This August I will be moving to Atlanta, Georgia to be the new bassoon professor at Georgia State University.

Yeah!!!!!!

Rendezvous at Old Nauvoo

This week was Spring Break. Here is what I did:

1. Flew to Atlanta, GA on Monday for a job interview at Georgia State.
2. After a grueling day of interviews, lessons and food, went on a late-night GOLF CART ride with the Associate Director of the School of Music around his neighborhood in Peachtree City.
3. Flew back to Chicago Wednesday afternoon. Spent one full hour finding my way out of the airport and to my car.
4. Payed $62 for parking.
5. Starting out on I-88 West to head home to Iowa City, realized I didn't have cash for the tolls. Exited the interstate to find an ATM. Finally found the entrance ramp to get back onto I-88 about 45 minutes later.
6. Talked to Andrew on google talk instead of going to bed.
7. Went to Nauvoo with friends Aaron and Dave from Omaha on Thursday.
8. Talked to dozens of loving and enthusiastic old people.
9. Watched the BEST musical ever --Rendezvous at Old Nauvoo (I have now seen it no less than 4 times). Left wishing that I could fast-forward my life to age 70, become a senior missionary in Nauvoo with my husband and have a leading role in the BEST musical ever.
6. Drove back to Iowa City (after leaving Dave and Aaron at the Budget Motel in Ft. Madison), and stayed up late emailing Laura about her trip to Iowa City next month (yeah!!!!!!!!)
10. Woke up at 10:30 this morning (Friday) and spent several hours catching up on emails and phone calls, after which
11. Aaron and Dave stopped by on their way home from Nauvoo, spent the rest of the afternoon/evening with me, eating Bob's Your Uncle pizza and talking about old times.
12. Listened to "Slaughterhouse 5" by Kurt Vonnegut while driving to and from Chicago and Nauvoo. A very very very very good book, except for some dirty language and the mentioning of a few "adult" subjects.
13. Wrote this blog entry, after which I will
14. Go to bed early. Upon waking up in the morning, I will
15. FINALLY start studying for my comprehensive exams, the only thing I really should have been doing this week. (How is it possible that it's Saturday already???)

Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight

andrew: hey

i came here to find you

i need you to watch this

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

when you have some time

how are you?

Michele: good

i'll watch it in a sec. tied up on the phone

andrew: oh, anytime

don't worry

Sent at 9:30 PM on Thursday

Michele: watching it now

andrew: ok

Michele: interesting

wow, that was really good.

I'm not sure if I understand all of it.

andrew: me neither

but i liked it

i identified really strongly with what she was saying

Michele: yeah, it was engaging

so, help me understand what she was talking about

andrew: what part

Michele: nirvana

andrew: i think it would be amazing

if my left-brain would turn off

i would kill to feel that

Michele: but she said that she imagined a world where people could be aware of it and know that they could go there

can we?

how?

andrew: yeah that i don't know

go where

Michele: to the place where she was... being one with everything, being one enormous blob of energy

leaving behind emotional baggage

andrew: yes

i wish i could

Michele: but what was her point in telling that story

andrew: not sure

maybe that the brain is amazing

and hard to understand

Michele: yeah

andrew: yeah

ok, here's what i think

some people live physical lives

Michele: when i get a migraine headach it's like the beginning of what she was talking about with the stroke

andrew: taking this woman's description as accurate, that's a right-brain thing

yeah?

you get headaches like that

Michele: yes, finish what you were saying

andrew: well the other side of it is that

other people live isolated, internal lives of reflection

life of the mind

i think that part of what she was talking about was the power of bridging the gap

when you are stuck on one side

or

of realizing what's lost when you get stuck on one side

but also that it's just freaking amazing

total awe

at everything

i experience tinges of that sometimes

like i'll be driving down the road sometimes or when i used to hike up the mountains

and everything is so beautiful that i don't exist anymore

where my consciousness is obliterated by what i see

Michele: yeah?

andrew: or i wish that it would be; that i could be destroyed because of how nothing i am compared to everyting

anyway

that's just what i felt from her

thought i should share it with you

Michele: thanks :)

andrew: thanks for wanting to see it

thread of my (grateful) thoughts

Cafe Gratitude
Laura, friend, laughter
Gloria, kitchen table mate
Mark, patience
Valentine daisies still alive
Warm house
Warm car
Girl Scout cookies
Arts Share
The Bread Garden
Blogs
Beards
Camera
Love
God
Water
Walter, kind
Gloria's new boots
Sam Beam
Roommates, forgiving, messes
Home teachers
Relief Society, teach
Andrew, smile
Thursday is the new Friday
Melting ice
Weird people, yes
Shining sun, sometimes forgotten
Remember
Yawn
Crochet
Snowshoeing!
Melissa, Liz, Sarah, Gloria
Relief Society
Rachael, pumpkin pie, meeting
Adele, scarf
Lara, new job, Atlanta
Mary's Gone Crackers
Sister Hall
Jokes, Josh
Memories, Mel
Pure Maple Syrup
MOTAB
Distractions
Carrot Juice
Himie Voxman
No more plastic bags
Alex, remember
New locker shelves
Clem Snide, bassoon
New Mountain Goats
Words
Figurative figures
Family, pray
Warm, sleep
Home